Francis Mosley got in touch yesterday and showed me some recent paintings. I also had an email conversation with John Clark who also sent some pics of his recent work. It all makes me very eager to get some of my own painting done. Andrew and Lynette, my other studio mates, are away in Australia for the month and it means I have the place to myself (John mainly coming in before he goes to work at Sony).
Francis asked me if I was showing any signs of a mid-life crisis and I said no (with the caveat that I have been in a perpetual state of crisis since I was a teenager) but then promptly became incredibly depressed.
I have a bit of rule with myself that I try not to worry about things I can't effect, but I don't always maintain discipline on this and yesterday was one of those days.
There is something about receiving bad news, as I did yesterday, that makes trivial things even more annoying. Or at least that is the effect it has on me. I lose what little patience I had with the nonsense of life and then get angry with myself for letting it bother me. And depressed if I have made the mistake - as I often do - of mentioning that annoyance to someone else.
I remember reading somewhere a long time ago that people who think the world is inherently fair are more likely to be depressed than those who take a more jaded view. I certainly don't think the world is fair (and I do not suffer from depression as a rule) but I do make the mistake of thinking that everything can be resolved by talking. It can't. In fact talking often makes things worse. In fact many of the world's problems could be resolved if all those in positions of power simply shut up for a couple of years.
The great Jules Feiffer called one of his collection of strips cartoons The Explainers. That's what I am - I am an explainer. But explaining can often be just another kind of complaining.
But hey, I'm an artist and I'm a writer. It goes with the territory. We are screwed up so you don't have to be.